On Wednesday, I came to a rather horrible realization. In planning our Colorado trip, I had tried (and thought I succeeded) to plan the timing around my pay schedule, so that the money I was losing by missing work would hit a paycheck that would come mid-month, not at the end/beginning when I need to pay rent. Well, I had miscalculated, and the paycheck I got today (the rent paying paycheck) is the small one. When I realised this, on Wednesday, I panicked. I called myself names, I nearly cried, and just generally fell apart for a few minutes. Then, I went and posted on Ravelry… and had a bit of a destash sale.
Within two hours, I had sold enough patterns and yarn to cover the discrepancy. My friends are completely amazing, and I owe them more than I can properly express. My check came today, and while it’s $100 under what I need for rent, I know that as soon as the paypal payments transfer to my bank account I’ll have more than enough. I can afford to buy groceries, and cat food, and maybe even a pizza to celebrate the long weekend.
All of this made me think. I had, on Wednesday, called myself all sorts of nasty things. “Stupid idiot” was not the worst of it by any means. After everything that happened, though, I came to understand two things. First of all, I have more support and love from both people I know in person and that I have never met that I never even imagined it. Second, I’m not stupid. Sure, I messed up. Humans mess up. But stupid people mess up and don’t do anything about it, don’t even care. I messed up, I figured out what to do, made a few sacrifices, got help, and learned from the experience.
Now if I do this again… we’ll have to revisit the “stupid” idea.