A Sheepish Little Blog.

Wool and whimsy in the frozen North.

What do YOU want to be when you grow up? August 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — knitbytes @ 8:47 am

Hello Blog.

I know I’ve been neglecting you of late, and I apologise. I made a commitment to post every day and I haven’t held up my end of the bargain. I’ve been dealing with some really complicated, confusing life stuff and I just haven’t had the headspace to knit, let alone blog about knitting.

Blog, when you were just a little website, did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up? Did you know from an early age that you would become a blog?

See, I’m a grown up already. I’m married, I have cats and bills and responsibilities and a real job and a degree. You can’t really get much more grown up (well, learning to drive would help, but I have my reasons on that front) without having kids and you know THAT isn’t gonna happen. But I still don’t know what I want to be, or even if that’s the right question to ask.

It all seems so clear when you’re little. You’ll go along, growing up and going to school, and one day something will click and you’ll suddenly say “this is it. this feels right. this is what I want to do for the rest of my life”. So I spent my high school and college years just sort of waiting for that to happen, for the clouds to part and heavenly light to shine down upon… something. Some career track that would be just perfect and I’d love it and be happy working for the rest of my life.

It’s a lie, blog. None of that is true for me. It never happened, and I’m starting to feel like it never will.

Everything I’ve done up til now has been just because it was the easy way. I went to college because I had help and support in doing that, and it seemed like it was expected. It seemed like what I was supposed to do, so I did. I got my helpdesk job because it was offered to me, not because I wanted it. I majored in Anthropology because it was just what I had taken classes in, so I wouldn’t have to struggle to graduate on time (much). I got my current job because it is, again, what was offered to me. No education or career choices I’ve made in the last, oh, five years have been because I really, really wanted whatever it was. It was just… easy. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like that.

But then, blog, maybe I’m just not a “career” person, you know? Maybe I’m destined to switch jobs every few years, try different things, and never settle on just one path. But that is neither lucrative nor fulfilling… or it doesn’t seem like it would be, anyway.

This is keeping me up at night, blog. It’s bothering me more an more with every day that I don’t get off my butt and choose. Unfortunately, though I’ve come up with 5 or 6 options that I could probably handle and most likely enjoy, not one of them really screams “This is it! I am your perfect career track! I will make you happy long-term!” I just don’t know what to do, at this point. I keep wishing there was someone who would take me aside and say “look, I’ve thought it over, and this is what you should do.” but no one can make that kind of decision about my life but me. That’s the trouble with being a grown-up, blog… it’s all up to me.

And that’s terrifying.

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8 Responses to “What do YOU want to be when you grow up?”

  1. heather Says:

    For what it’s worth… I seem to recall reading that people tend to change careers five times in their life. I am only 35, and I’ve worked as an archaeological field tech, an admin assistant, an office manager, an IT tech, a bookkeeper, and a webmaster, and who knows what the rest of my professional life will contain. I know people who followed very roundabout paths to jobs that make them happy, but that they’d never even considered.

    Just keep your options open, and see where life takes you. Enjoy what you can, and if you don’t like something, move on.

    P.S. If it makes you feel any better, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

  2. ap Says:

    I am almost 31 and I still haven’t got this figured out yet. Maybe the idea of having a job that you also love doing and that you make your life’s work is just that same kind of American Dream drivel as being married, having a house, and kids, though, right? Maybe you do something to make money that gets you through, and you fulfill your soul with volunteer work and hobbies. What’s dumb is that really this whole thing becomes mostly about money, because if money wasn’t an object, you’d just do whatever you wanted when you wanted.

    Maybe we should all quit our jobs and become professional treasure hunters. If we find a boatload of gold, we can all retire at 40 and then spend the rest of our lives fulfilled without having to worry about working for money. 😉

  3. Nicole Says:

    When I was little, I wanted to grow up to be a mermaid, a bird, or a circus performer. Still haven’t narrowed that down to one conclusively yet.

    I’m following the “find something you love to do and try to get someone to pay you for it” track, personally. Not very profitable, but fun.

  4. sheepishlittleblog Says:

    Autumn- yeah. The main problem for me is that I have this HUGE rebellious streak that says if I settle for doing something I don’t hate, just to get by… I’ve sold out. My life is officially worthless. That part is totally determined that I need to find something I actually love doing that also pays money. Good luck, right? Geh.

    Nicole- yeah, if I was better at selling my work maybe that would be more of an option. The biggest issue is that I don’t love doing ANYTHING enough to do it long term!

  5. Abby Says:

    Dear Becca,

    I think you’re an awesome person, did you know that? I think that it’s hard making a living at something you love and the people that get to do it are truly lucky. I think most of us have to settle for a job that pays the bills that we don’t *hate* going to every day. I think instead of looking at what you’re missing perhaps you should focus on what you have. A husband who loves you, a family that loves you, and friends (near and far) that love you. Without all of that, even if you were in your dream job you wouldn’t be happy.

    I can empathize with you about not knowing what direction to go in. I’m graduating (Sunday, actually), and I only have a vague idea of what I’m going to do.

    I could go on to talk about American mentality and the mentality of our generation but I don’t really want to write you a novel. Just know you’re in good company. 😉

    With love,
    Bip

    P.S. “My life is officially worthless.” Not true. See paragraph 1.

  6. Shari Says:

    Becca

    I’ve got a few years under the belt. I did the college thing and thought I was going into something I’d really like. 2 yrs into school I switched to something else I’d like. It was fine, challenging, etc, but 20 yrs later, I got the rug pulled out from under me when my job was shipped off to India. Now, a few jobs later, I’ve realized it doesn’t much matter what I studied way back when.

    Our parents and grandparents lived in a different world – they could choose a career and live with it forever. That’s what they made us think when we were growing up, so we have that expectation still. But the world has changed SO MUCH – our expectations have to too.

    Yes, expect to be happy – find happiness in what you do have. Yes, look for something to make you happy in your job, but don’t sweat it if it’s not forever cuz it most likely won’t be.

    Shari

  7. ap Says:

    Nicole – You should definitely be a mermaid, because if you were a bird, I would be allergic to you.

  8. Heather Says:

    I had a little mental breakdown when I was a freshman because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Being a Type A, it felt like such a big deal. I ended up choosing something that I love to do and I’m good at it. But, I AM NOT MY JOB. I work to live, not live to work.

    Would knowing what you wanted really be the thing that made it all better? Really and truly? Or, do you just think it would? Is there anything wrong with being many different things?


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