I had, mostly, what can only be called an Extremely Dull Day. The exception was that my brother came over and we went to Old Chicago for dinner, which was lovely. Other than that, though… Work was completely dead, I didn’t have any projects with me that I felt like doing so I pretty much just hung out on Ravelry all day. Since James went home, I have done basically nothing. This blog post is the closest to productive I have been, and I would be lying if I said it isn’t really, really bothering me.
For those that have not experienced this, or those that do not knit, imagine if you will that whatever it is you do in your free time, whatever makes you happiest, whether it’s watching tv or playing video games or fishing… imagine for a moment that suddenly one day you woke up and none of that seemed even slightly worthwhile. All of it felt empty and pointless and you couldn’t make yourself do that thing for more than a few minutes anymore.
What would you do?
I have a feeling, to be totally honest, that this has something to do with depression. I have had depression since I was about 12 or 13, so it’s nothing new, but it always surfaces in different ways. I keep thinking “well, ok, not knitting. I’ll spin, or crochet, or read a new book, or play the Sims”… but then, I don’t. I just sit here. It all just seems like so much work.
I’m going to try to beat this tomorrow, but I don’t think I have the energy to fight it tonight. I think I just have to get absorbed in something again, give myself a deadline and stick to it. Then even if I don’t want to do it initially, I will because I have to get it done by a particular time. Non-deadline knitting can be great if your motivation for knitting is just enjoyment, but when that isn’t there, you have to find something else to motivate you if you want to continue. I just have to find the right motivation.